Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
