You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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