tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
