Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
