I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So apparently I’m into choking now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
