I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
