I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
