I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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