Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
