So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
