Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
