i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
