I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize