My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
this hospital has no fireball
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
