we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize