Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
