Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
