he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
