So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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