I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
