oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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