Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
