I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
