What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize