Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I love having hate sex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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