I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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