My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
