we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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