And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
