just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
