Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
