eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
