Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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