PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
