Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
