I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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