shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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