guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
