i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
