Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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