I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
