I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
