Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
