If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We have started to decorate penises.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
