fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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