clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
