I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
