Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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