My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
