I hate your face
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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