God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
