I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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