is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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