so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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