I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
