I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
