I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize