apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
