he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
